


Lizard Dude

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Bisexual Eren Yeager, Conspiracy Theories, Epic Bromance, Eren Is a Little Shit, Eventual Relationships, First Impressions, Jean Kirstein & Eren Yeager Friendship, Jean is the best, M/M, Out of Character, Real bad ones, Slow Build, This Is STUPID, bad ones, very unfinished
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-08-30 14:12:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8536279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Sorry to bother you but me and my friend were wondering why you come here, because you obviously don't like black tea and you look like you want to be somewhere else. Are you trying to look mature because you're short?"THIS STORY HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE





	1. Theories and Tea

**Author's Note:**

> This is unfinished but i have plans for it

"He's here again."

Eren narrowed his eyes at someone from across the café counter, watching as he sipped the teacup of black tea.

"Every single day he comes here and orders that drink. And every day he takes a sip and looks absolutely fucking disgusted." He chewed his nails, still closely watching the man.

"Maybe you're just bad at making tea." Jean, his co-worker, remarked from beside him- also watching the object of Eren's stress.

"Shut up, I'm brilliant."

The raven took another sip from his drink, looking around the café without searching for anything.

"He doesn't even bring anything. Like a book or a laptop. Just sits there drinking. Not even eating." Eren complained, bringing his hand away from his mouth and smacking his forehead in exasperation. "Why does he do it?"

"Trying to wake up before work? I don't know, man. People do what they do." Jean smoothed out his apron, going to take a customer's order.

"But it's like, 10 in the morning."  
"Not everybody works the horrific hours we do." He gave the woman her table number, pressing change into her hand as he passed the order to Eren, who got her food ready. "I just think that it's weird." He slapped some beef onto a plate. "Who on earth would drink something they don't like with no reason?"

"I dunno. Go take that to table 7 and try not to stare at him like a freak."

Eren passed the raven on his way back from the table, staring at him angrily. He caught his eye accidentally and quickly walked away, not wanting a complaint.

"Ya think he's trying to look mature?" Jean commented.  
"Why would he do that?" Eren slid back into his position.  
"Well, look at his legs." He pointed, both starting. "He's short. Probably wants people to think he's not like, 5."  
Eren snorted, resting his chin in his hand.

"Alright boys," Annie walked behind the counter and nudged Jean out of the way. "Breaktime; get out."

______

They sat at the back of the café with drinks Marco had stolen for them and watched the black tea guy. They both drank at the same time, narrowing their eyes.

"So, you think he's waiting for somebody? He keeps looking at his watch."  
"No," Eren answered. "He always leaves alone. Just drinks his tea and goes."  
"But he doesn't like it! What's his deal?"  
Eren paused. "Should I ask him?"  
"You wouldn't." Disbelief crossed Jean's face as he watched Eren eye up the little guy.  
"I would." The raven got up, swinging his bag over his shoulder. "And I am."

Eren strode on over, tapping him on the shoulder as Jean panicked in the corner; watching through his fingers. He turned and Eren got a good look at his face.

Pale and oddly delicate with a sharp, photogenic profile and light eyes that made the red capillaries seem more visible. His arms looked thin in his long sleeved top that exposed part of his shoulder and upper chest. He was unusual.

"Uh, yeah? What do you want?" He seemed surprised and anxious about Eren's sudden appearance, like he'd been caught doing something that he shouldn't be doing.

"Sorry to bother you but me and my friend were wondering why you come here, because you obviously don't like black tea and you look like you want to be somewhere else. Are you trying to look mature because you're short?"

Jean let out a moan of anguish, covering his eyes completely and shrinking into himself.

"Legit, I spend hours of my work time thinking about the mystery of the black tea guy. Sometimes I make diagrams."

He stared.

"One time, on a really slow day, I made a box plot. With the polygon and everything. I can show you all my conspiracy theories if you want. Jean said you might be one of those men in black with no eyebrows and no eyelashes and no hair that goes around asking about UFO's and you suspected that one of us had been abducted. That fell through pretty quickly though because you're not hairless." Eren started listing his theories off on his fingers. "There's also that you're some sort of monster that can only drink black tea for nourishment. Or you're part of a weird group of murderers who comes here to be inconspicuous. You're a lizard person, you're actually just reading people's minds because you're nosy, you're a time traveller from the future and Earth was on the brink of destruction so you came back to a time when it wasn't."

He put his hand down and the man just blinked. "You get the idea. So, which is it? Because I'm voting on lizard person."


	2. Apologies and Americanos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was an early update

"You get the idea. So, which is it? Because I'm voting on lizard person."

Black tea guy opened his mouth, about to speak but thought better of it. Blinked twice, scratched his undercut and raised his eyebrows with a puff. "Did you..." He started, biting the inside of his cheek. "Did you really just say all that?"

Eren ignored him. "Do you know how many facial expressions you just went though then? It was like, ready to argue, probably shouldn't argue, disbelief, anxiety, fed up as shit, then judgemental. I'm impressed. I didn't know lizards could go through that much emotion. Thought they just kind of went," Eren posed his hand into claws and bared his teeth, making a noise that sounded near a growl in the back of his throat. "You know?"

"...I don't think I do."  
Eren made the gesture and noise again. "That."

Eyebrows furrowed, mouth open and head slightly backed away from Eren, he nodded. "I'm gonna," his voice cracked and he cleared it- gesturing vaguely to the exit. "I'm gonna go."

"You can't go now, I still have so much to learn about your culture!" Eren shouted after the raven who was making a swift exit. He pursed his lips together. "Okay!" He waved. "See you tomorrow!" He furrowed his eyebrows and breathed out, putting his hand into his too-small jean pocket. Eren rocked back and forth on his heels, slowly turning around to Jean.

Jean was red in the face; hands clamped over his mouth and tears spilling out his eyes from the effort of trying not to laugh hysterically.

"Subtle?"

He shook his head frantically.

  
______

  
The following day was slow.

Tea guy wasn't there, either. It seemed Eren had efficiently scared off a loyal regular.

"He was too good for you, man." Jean laughed, trying to stay serious. "That relationship was going to kill you one day."

Eren glanced over at him through the corner of his eye, in the same position as yesterday except he was working the till today. "Go suck a dick you equine fuck." He continued to stare at the seat lizard dude had previously occupied.

"Come on, munchkin. Isn't the whole horse thing getting old?"  
"Yes, but I just recently discovered the word equine and I felt it needed use." He replied in a bored tone.  
"Just now?" He questioned.

A customer entered the café and Jean hissed at Eren through the corner of his mouth. "You're lucky that guy's ass just came in. I was about to roast you to high heaven."

Eren fixed his regulation apron. "You absolutely fucking wish." Eren looked over to the customer and smiled slightly to himself, turning to Jean with a smug look. "Speaking of that guy's ass, look who it belongs to."

Lizard dude slid up to the counter nervously. "Uh, black tea please."

Eren didn't bother. He just leaned forward. "Are you ready to tell me why you drink that stuff?" Jean sighed and massaged between his eyebrows. He got the drink ready instead.

"Nope." He said nervously, drumming his fingers on the counter as he eyed Jean.  
Eren glanced back at Jean, who just shrugged from where he was straining the leaves. "Betryal." He hissed.

Spinning back to the lizard, he leaned both arms on the counter. "Did I creep you out yesterday?"  
"Yup." He popped the 'p', still fidgeting.  
"Would you believe me if I said I was sorry?"  
"Nope."  
Eren laughed and the black tea guy glanced up nervously through his eyelashes. "I'm not crazy, I promise. Just curious."  
"Why can't you go be not-crazy and curious somewhere else?"  
"Because I work here. Why don't you be a lizard somewhere else?" He did his lizard impression again and the raven let out an accidental bark of laughter. Eren smiled.

He held out a hand. "My name's Eren Jeager. I make your tea and spy on you from over the counter."  
Cautiously, black tea guy shook it. "Levi."

Jean interrupted them and passed Levi his tea, who gave him money. "Sorry about the hassle. He's an idiot."

Levi sipped from the top of his cup, smiling a little. "It's okay."

_____

On their break, Eren and Jean decided to slide onto the seats around Levi's table. He was a bit surprised but stifled the look with a sip from his very cold drink.

"You've been here hours." Eren commented.  
"Only two." Levi mumbled. "I've been on my phone. I don't just sit here like a creep. Why are you on my table?"

"We're bored and our break isn't long enough for a trip home and back. My shift does end soon, though."

Jean hummed, resting his hands behind his head. "Can't wait to go home and finish Django."  
"You're finally watching it, praise be the head! What brought it on?"  
"Your incessant nagging. It's good though, I can't fault you on that."  
"Damn right."

Jean looked at Levi and sat up suddenly, extending a hand. "Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Jean. I keep Eren in check most of the time. Yesterday was an exception." Levi shook his hand. "Please don't let it happen again."  
"Don't worry," Jean leaned back and smacked Eren over the head, who made a noise of confusion. "It won't."

Marco came over to pass them their daily stolen drinks, a latté with no sugar for Eren and an americano with unbelievable amounts of sugar and milk for Jean. "Orders up, guys. Enjoy!"  
"Thank you dear." Eren remarked, wrapping his fingers around the cup. Jean smiled at Marco, who smiled back before taking his place behind the counter again.  
Jean laughed as he took the lid off the cup, surprised to see a kitten drawn in foam. Eren checked his and let out an obnoxious, disgusting laugh. Jean and Levi looked at him curiously, but he was laughing too hard to communicate, so he just slid it to the center of the table. Jean and Levi leaned over to get a good look.

A lizard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone get the rick and morty reference ?


	3. Chamomile and Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is determined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter and super late update. I dont think this is even 500 words. Should be an update sooner than before tho lol. (Sorta filler because I'm just trying to work up to a better chapter)

The café was in it's early hours, light filtering through the curtains and creating a warm ambience. Levi's mood, however, was a stark contrast to this.  
"Mornin' sunshine!" Eren greeted. Levi growled at him from the back of his throat, eye bags practically drooping to the floor. "A cup of battery acid to perk you up, or the usual?"  
"Cyanide. I'm feeling adventurous today."  
Eren gave a quirk of the eyebrow and an almost flirty grin. He kind of seemed flirty on the whole, though. "Be careful what you wish for; you never know when I might snap." He rolled his shoulder and smiled. "I do actually need your order, though."  
"Usual."

Eren got round to making his drink as Levi sulked around the counter, gazing longingly at the sugary delights on display. When Eren glanced over, however, his eyes went down to his feet.  
"You know, you're allowed sugary stuff. We sell it for a reason."  
Levi shook his head, slouched over. "No, I don't want any- thanks."  
"Really? You're eyeing it up like a hot waitress."  
"I don't eye up waitresses."  
"Waiters, then." Eren's jokey mood dropped. "Seriously, are you okay though? You don't seem as...." He searched for the right word. "Delicate as usual."  
"Just... sleep deprived. Grouchy- a little cranky."  
Eren looked like he was thinking a little hard. "Go take a seat, I'll make your drink. Sit and relax- don't go skulking around here."

When Eren made his way over to the table, he didn't have the usual. Instead, Eren had a mug of chamomile tea and a selection of tiny pastries topped with icecream and strawberries. Levi gave him a funny look, but couldn't help his want for the order.  
"You drink that black tea stuff even when you hate it and it's probably because of like, caffeine hits or something but you need a way to relax. You've been coming here a while and you do not consume a healthy amount. So, start off slowly, okay? Don't stress yourself out. Not every day has to be 100% effort and 100% stress. The world isn't going to collapse if you're 5 minutes late or if you pretend to be sick to miss a day. Learn to calm down. It's okay to stop and smell the flowers."  
Eren sat at the table and slid over the food and drink, stretching and giving Levi a warm smile. "So let's chill out and talk. Café isn't actually open for a while."  
Levi faltered on his way to picking up the mug. "It isn't? Why didn't you kick me out?"  
"I'm always here early to sort stuff out. Plus, you're not really a customer to me anymore. You're company, and very good company at that."  
Levi smiled.

*

Levi drove past the shop Saturday morning. He wanted to go in and see Eren again, as he had every other day consecutively, but Hanji had asked him to go to town with her to check out the new milkshake place. It wasn't actually new, but it was her first time in Chester so everything was new to her.   
Inside the cafe, Eren checked his watch.

"He isn't here today."   
"You can't expect him to come every day." Jean said, poking him in the rib. "Dude's busy."  
Eren quirked an eyebrow, looking at Jean with disdain. "How would you know?"  
"Looks it. Kind of on edge. He seems very calm but like, fake chill. Like he's ready to snap at any given second." Jean leaned forward and grinned at Eren menacingly whilst feigning shock. "Maybe he's a crack addict!"  
"Caffeine? Maybe. Crack? No." Eren sniffed, rolling a kink out of his shoulder. "Know one when I see one."  
They stopped talking for a while; working for a change. Jean was pouring a mug of green tea when Eren voiced his thoughts. "Should I ask for his number?"  
Jean gave him a funny look. "His number? I thought he was just like, a regular you got attached to."  
Eren smiled faintly. "He is. But mark my words, Jean." He twirled round to face him, look of determination plastered across his face; a look Jean had only seen twice. Once when someone dared him to eat an entire full sized pizza, and one where he'd gotten into a fight with him. Both times, Eren won.   
"We'll be dating some time within this month."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will actually be going somewhere and will be longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Is he a lizard or is he not???  
> Stay tuned for the shocking reveal that lizard men dont exist


End file.
